- Me at 2 am: I should bake a cake
this guy i know throws this wild crazy party at the end of every school year and he invites literally everyone in our grade and this year i’m gonna call the cops ahead of time to shut it down because i once let him borrow a pencil and he never gave it back
that’s a lot of anger over just 1 pencil.
it was a mechanical pencil
You may proceed
Today my history professor, a rumpled, pot-bellied guy in his mid thirties, walked into class looking all excited, which made the rest of us nervous, because he’s known for pop quizzes. He took a deep breath and said, “I have been waiting for this moment my entire teaching career. So please, pull out your textbooks and…” in a British accent, glowering at us all ferociously, “TURN TO PAGE THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY FOUR.”
We. All. DIED.
I AM COMPLETELY SERIOUS.